After the Rush

October was one of those months where everything happened at once. I knew I wouldn’t be able to start my 25 mini paintings until October, and they were due November 1 at midnight. I had just finished a successful show season — I sold all but four paintings — and I wanted to complete a commission for my aunt before diving in.

Then a friend asked if I’d donate something to her fundraiser. Of course I said yes… in the summer, not realizing her deadline was the same as my minis. So I painted that piece in one day to meet both deadlines.

The last week of October, I transformed into a machine. I woke up early, worked late, and thought about painting even while brushing my teeth. My husband took over the kitchen, cooking and cleaning every night, and my 16-year-old son got to enjoy a few weeks of total mom freedom (which I suspect he didn’t mind).

It was chaos — and it was exactly where I am meant to be. My life was completely out of balance, but I woke up excited every morning. I learned that I can create 26 paintings in one month. (I don’t recommend it!)

Then, the moment it all ended, I crashed. My body relaxed, my anxiety spiked, and I found myself asking, Now what? Without a deadline, I felt adrift. The piles of blank canvases are just staring at me.

Here’s what I’m realizing: I love direction. I thrive when there’s a clear framework, a defined rubric, or a specific goal. But when it’s up to me to create the structure, it’s harder to find my rhythm. Starting my own art business has shown me just how much I’m still learning — not only about paint and texture, but about myself.

Now, as I plan for the next show season, I’m focusing on creating my own kind of structure — one that keeps me motivated without burning me out. Because art, like life, is all about balance: the quiet in between the deadlines, the crash after the chaos, and the courage to start again.

If you’ve ever felt that post-project emptiness — that strange mix of exhaustion and possibility — you’re not alone. Here’s to finding beauty in the reset, and trusting that the next burst of inspiration always finds its way back.