50 Days of Paying Attention Intro
“Get up on the rock, and I’ll take your picture. Do the crane!” I’m uncomfortably awkward when anyone points a camera at me, and I enjoy the suggestion.
A guy walking by jokingly adds, “Are you sure he didn’t just increase your life insurance policy?”
Jordan Pond, Acadia National Park
The comment makes me chuckle for several reasons. First, I am a true crime junkie, and nine times out of ten, it is the husband. Also, I just turned 50, Sean and I are in Maine celebrating our 25th anniversary, and only hours before this moment, we dropped our youngest off at boarding school, making us empty nesters earlier than expected. How much time I have and what to do with it is absolutely top of mind.
There are moments of extreme excitement when I feel like I could lose all control and exclaim, “I’m freeeeee!” The next second, sheer panic takes over, as if I’m white-knuckling the handles of a raging rapids raft as I hurtle toward the what-the-hell-is-next waterfall.
It’s been an impossibly busy summer, and my art business has taken a backseat while I launch my son into a new opportunity. I will forever cherish the memories we made and am so grateful for them. However, I feel anxious and scattered as I try to find my footing again.
And maybe that’s part of what I’m trying to figure out. With a little more space in my life, what do I actually do with it? What am I drawn to when I stop reacting to what needs to happen next and start paying attention?
I work well under pressure and on assignments, so I came up with this one.
Scientific Method
For 50 days, I will document something small from my creative life on Instagram. Every 10 days, I’ll watch it all back and write a reflection here about what I’m noticing.
My goal is to watch myself work closely enough to begin recognizing my own patterns: what I return to, what comes naturally, what I struggle with, and how ideas and stories begin to surface while I’m working.
I’m not exactly sure what I expect to find. I think that’s the point.
If you’re interested in following along, join me on Instagram. I’m on day three, so I’ll be back here next week to tell you what I’m noticing.
Until next week,
Gretchen Ann
